A Sanctuary
As they grow older, our children increasingly observe the apparent normalcy with which marriages dissolve.
Even if it isn’t their experience in their own home – the world around them reinforces a latent assumption that marriages don’t last, that marriage is extremely risky. Hearing it over and over from their peers, and from Hollywood, it works its way deeper and deeper.
This latent assumption, unchecked, can grow a mindset of protecting their interests above all else in a relationship. A mindset which, of its own, can become the root of division – or accelerate a willingness to give up on their own spouse and family when the going gets rough.
We recently became aware that even our youngest children were overhearing, in a variety of settings, that marriages end.
They didn’t ask about it. But when we were attentive to them in those moments, we could see the wheels turning.
Our middle and high school aged children witness it daily. Their friends talk about 'normal' life – split between two parents and two homes.
Over a series of weeks we became increasingly aware of how many avenues this cultural assumption was finding its way into our children’s minds. We began to wonder if our “heightened awareness” was, more truly, God’s Spirit warning us. Calling us to action.
Our ritual of worshipping together each night before the youngest go down to bed has become a natural time for us to focus on what matters as a family.
That night we talked about why Mommy and Daddy got married, talked about the vows we made, and – looking them in the eye – we told them we meant those vows.
We then took time to point out how our marriage is a picture of God’s commitment to His bride, His People: His commitment to each of them. And their faithfulness and love is critical for becoming eternally united to Him.
It only took five or ten minutes.
Sarah and I make sure our children see our physical affection with one another. Daily, we compliment each other, thank each other, and support each other in front of our children. They even know, if they try to work one of us against the other, it will fail.
But that night, after confessing our commitment in front of them – to them – the sense of security and unity among our children was palpable: smiles, silliness, affection, laughter.
Listen for God nudging you to speak to your children. Let Him tell you what they need to hear. And then tell them.
The LORD said to [Moses], “Who made the human mouth? Who makes him mute or deaf, seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go! I will help you speak and I will teach you what to say.”
– Exodus 4:12