The Sacred 'Yes' and 'No'

We parents are the priests of our homes.

A priest is a mediator. A priest represents God to those they serve.

Saying we are priests in our homes feels weighty. It is a responsibility we may not want to bear. But the reality is, we don’t get to choose. The fact that we are human makes us priests.

If we are apathetic toward our priesthood we merely become a priest – a mediator – of apathy.

This is what it comes down to: our families and homes embody our values and priorities by default. It is true of Christians. And it is true of non-Christians. Our decisions shape the world around us.

It is in this way that our homes become the temples of what we worship. Our homes embody what we say ‘yes’ to – rather than what we say ‘no’ to. In this way our 'yes' and 'no' become sacred words.

Jesus highlighted the importance of our 'yes' and 'no' when He commanded: let your word ‘yes be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no be ‘no.’  (Matthew 5:37a)

We’ve had six children go through the toddler stage. For each one, when we told them “no” or issued an ultimatum it was difficult for us to stand by what we said.

But by doing so we were discipling them to have integrity. And we were teaching them how saying ‘no’ is often the only way to protect what is worth protecting. 

However, we don’t want to be legalistic parents. It is never our goal to shut down the opinions or feelings of our children. Scripture even tells of God changing His decisions at times at the request of His children.

It is the discussion over our decisions that instructs our children how our ‘no’ is actually a ‘yes’ to what is good and right.

Here is how we have tried to strike a balance with our children – at every age, but starting when they’re young:

1. Set aside time to explain this rule: It is important to obey right away. We expect you to answer “okay” to instruction, to our ‘yes’, and to our ‘no’. That way, we know you heard us – and are willing to obey.
2. Explain further: Once we hear you say “okay” – we want you to ask us questions about our decision, or to explain why you want what you want.

Cycling these two concepts with toddlers is a test of patience. The discussions are tricky (and entertaining).

With middle-aged children it creates discussion around Kingdom values worth protecting. It also gives them an incredible sense of value – knowing they will be heard and interacted with. It builds openness and trust – critical in adolescence.

With our teens, this trust has now grown to a mutual respect where patient dialogue is the norm. Mutual respect is assumed – even when the dialogue is emotional. And more than once we have heard this:

Thank you for being parents who care enough to say ‘no’ – and taking the time to explain your decisions. My friends’ relationship with their parents is so opposite.

We hope this is a message of hope for you as you look to God in your parenting. Your children are being trained to be the kind of priest that you are currently becoming.