Fear & Anxiety Communicate

Fear. Anxiety. Anger.

What do we do with these as a parent or spouse?

These are emotional signals that what we most desire is being threatened. A secret desire of ours totters on the edge of an abyss. And unless we grip it tightly it will slip away – perhaps forever.

Over coffee a friend told me:  “Tim, anytime I have anxious thoughts I’ve realized it’s because I’m keeping an idol in my heart. I’m putting something first, before God – holding onto it with white knuckles, fearful it will slip away from me. Fearful God won’t or can’t give me what I desire.”

Here are some common desires – desires God created – which quickly become idols when we cling to them too tightly:

To have everything go well at home or at work. To have some personal space. To be our young, fun-loving, carefree self again. A sense of security – be it relational or provisional. True intimacy. True sexual enjoyment. To experience romance in life. To see and experience true beauty. To have our children be doing well. To be a kid again.

Fear of never having something – or never having it again – makes us anxious.
This anxiety induces anger toward anything or anyone threatening that desire.
It can also induce addictions.

God wants you to be filled up – to be whole and complete. And He knows what will meet your desires more than you do, yourself. He made you. And He designed your desires.

If you then […] know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
– Matthew 7:11

Our natural instinct is to see our idea of what satisfaction looks like – and to grip it tightly. Unless we open up our hand He won't replace it with what He knows will fully meet our longing.

Let everyone experience your graciousness.
Your Father is near – so there is no need to be anxious.
Instead, talk to Him about all your desires.
And be full of thanksgiving, too.
When you do these things,
Divine peace will envelop your mind and your heart.

– Philippians 4:5-7 [paraphrased]

When you become aware of anger, anxiety, or fear, carve out a little time to ask your Father:
What am I afraid of losing?
(Let Him answer)

Visualize His answer and tell Him:
I want to give this to you.
Will you please take _____ from me – and give me what I really want?
(Wait. Listen for what you need to hear.) 

And God is able to make every grace overflow to you,
so that in every way, always having everything you need,
you may excel in every good work.

– 2 Corinthians 9:8